The Zombie Apocalypse And Why You Think You Want One But You Don’t

Recently, I started a new job in a highrise in my capital city.

As they took us for our first tour around the building, I found myself plotting out certain points that would be handy for a zombie apocalypse, such as ‘this floor has a balcony for growing plants and food’ or ‘you can’t get up this section of the elevator without a swiping card’.

I would like to let it be known that I have just read the Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks, and I must admit, this may be having some influence over my idle thought trains. However, I now have a pact with my training group that some of us have to run to Bunnings and secure what we’ll need to be self-sufficiant on top of a highrise in the event of a zombie apocalypse, so I have that going for me, which is nice.

But it got me thinking. I’ve seen a lot of stuff on 9gag or Facebook about how cool it would be to experience a zombie outbreak. And yeah, it would be.

 

For about a day.

And then you’re all eaten and shit, or so scared you’re useless. I think what you want, my friends, is virtual reality.

For our generation, born and raised on the rise of video games, it becomes difficult for us to lock in the idea of settling down with a 9-5 job, getting married, having kids and a mortgage and then dying off slowly, because that’s what everybody wants us to want. I think this longing for a zombie apocalypse is actually a subconscious desire to escape society’s expectations of us, and to shake up the system a bit.

Which, don’t get me wrong, I totally sympathize with, 110%. I’m your guy if you want to complain about society.

But I just think hoping for the doom and destruction of the human race is a little too much.

But then again… shotguns and stuff.

But then again… running.. and death… hmm

Please come back when I figure this out.

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Spoilers and why the people who post them can sod off

I am a huge Game of Thrones fan. Obviously. Who isn't? I attempted to resist the sensation that caught the world up, but after a few weeks bent the knee and bought the first book.

After reading all of the books, I told myself I didn't want to watch the series. Yuck, there was all kinds of gory things that'd keep me awake. I satisfied myself with Youtubing certain scenes that I was curious as to how they'd interpret.

My partner watched the show religiously, waiting not so patiently for each episode to come out. I caught myself watching out the corner of my eye, telling myself I just wanted to see where the series was up to in relation to the books.

So I've just finished the latest episode, after having watched about 90% of the series in total (only missed a chunk due to someone starting the show and then moving out before I could watch the rest of it with him). And I've noticed a growing trend on articles or Facebook status' posted by the Game of Thrones Facebook page and it's starting to really peev me off.

Some people get their kicks from reading ahead and then posting spoilers everywhere they can. They do this by replying to comments, tagging people in their spoilerish comments and just generally being arseholes. I apologise if the language offends but these fuckers deserve it.

WHAT JOY IS THERE IN SPOILING SOME OF THE BEST ENTERTAINMENT WE'VE BEEN HANDED IN YEARS!?

I saw one yesterday on a status that honestly made me want to PM the spoilerer and tear them a new one. Who do they think they are? Piss off and let them enjoy it. Just because you've read the book, doesn't mean you're entitled to spoil it for everyone enjoying the show.

The people who defend the spoilerers are just as bad if not worse. I will write two open letters to the two types of people in question by the end of this post. I've seen people defend them by saying 'the books have been out for years; it's not a spoiler.'

1) All good and well, but honestly? The books are bricks. They are thick, heavy writing which can turn off a lot of people who would otherwise enjoy it. This is where the TV show comes in. It condenses the content, making it more enjoyable for people who would give up on the books and providing the book reader with an amazing interpretation with incredible actors bringing their characters to life.

2) Are we supposed to try and keep up with every bit of new material that comes out everyday, everywhere? And how much time is supposed to pass before "everyone" is meant to have read it and the spoilers no longer are such? Sorry, bro, but some of us have this little thing called a 'job' or a 'life'.

3) I had another point but I've forgotten it. It'll come back to me. You watch.

Dear Spoilerer,

You suck. You really suck. Who the fuck do you think you are, spoiling this for hardcore fans of the show? Oh you've read the books? BIG DEAL! No one cares, mate, look around. Do you get some kind of kick doing this? Do you feel some kind of power? Oh good, at least you can feel that at some point in your sad little life. Sod off back to where you came from and think about what you did.

Sincerely,
Everyone

P.S Fuck you.

Dear Spoilerer Defender,

You equally suck, if not more so. Your sorry little defense of 'the books have been out for years, it's not a spoiler' does not count. It's shit. Try again, just like you should at life. Actually, I believe you're entitled to a refund on life. I'd go ahead and cash that ASAP. People who spoil shows for shits and giggles should not be defended. They should be ground to a pulp or something.

Sincerely,
Everyone.

P.S Fuck you. With a cactus. No one likes you.


Feel free to use these as templates to anyone you see engaging of the sport I have tentatively titled "Being The Biggest Douche They Can Be."


I apologise if this post is rambly and incoherent. I've just finished work and my brain is scrambled egss.

Mmmm. Scrambled eggs....

But seriously. Fuck you, spoiler people. Crawl back under your rock.

Valar Morghulis (some quicker than others).